Family Photo

I had many group photos from which to choose, and decided to mix things up a bit this week to write a little about my husband's family.  His mother, Jackie, organized this photo shoot and hired a pro to come to their home while we were visiting them in Texas.  Based on our clothing, I believe this was late winter or early spring.

I don't really have too many specific memories about this event.  One thing I do remember is the photographer had a particularly hard time with my younger son squinting when he smiled.  The photographer would call it to his attention, then gesture like he was turning a reel, making a squeaking noise at the same time, as if that would control Kevin's eyes.  It's probably why we all look like we're laughing.

I don't know for sure, but most likely my father-in-law was grumbling about having to do this, because that's just what the men in this family do (ahem).  My husband is no fan of having his photo taken, but he knew better than to fuss too much to his mother.  She didn't care.  This was taken circa 1990, and by October 1991, she had succumbed to pulmonary fibrosis at age 62.

My sister-in-law and her husband had two daughters, and we had two sons.  In this photo the older niece, Angela, is about 11-12.  Her younger sister, Carissa,  and my older son, Justin, are about 9-10, and Kevin is about 5. Even though the cousins usually only saw one another once a year, they still had a good time together.  Jackie, a former elementary school teacher and librarian, was a great organizer, and she always planned at least one day where she had all four kids together.  Just about anything went at Grandmother's house.

I was blessed to have great in-laws, and Jackie has been my role model for being a mother-in-law (rules: bite your tongue; avert your eyes; bite your tongue some more) and for being a grandmother (rules:  there's no such thing as too much banana pudding; bubble gum? sure; drop bouncy balls from upstairs to the first floor when I'm babysitting you? of course!)   Whenever I question my judgment about what to do, I've co-opted the phrase from the 90's, "WWJD?"  In my mind, though, it means, "What Would Jackie Do?"  It's still my guiding principle.  I may not get it right, but I try!

After Jackie died, my father-in-law soon remarried a really nice woman, and she also has been a role model.  She was sensitive to our grief from losing Jackie, and just let us all take our time to adjust to the new normal.  She and L.A. were married for 19 years before he passed away from lung cancer.  They came to visit us in Virginia before he started treatments, and I was shocked as I listened to him tell my husband what it meant to have been his dad.  It was startling for me to hear him open his heart and share it, as he was usually taciturn about his emotions.  I will always regret that I didn't take the opportunity to tell him what a great father-in-law and grandfather he was, but I was totally unprepared for that conversation.

When my father-in-law died in 2010, I snapped this photo of the cousins, now grown-ups with kids of their own. Four more little ones have been born to this group since then.  This is the last time they were together, the realities of adulthood--kids, jobs, finances--making long distance family gatherings more infrequent, at least for now.  It would be a joy to pull us all together with all the kids, spouses, and grandkids without a funeral as the occasion.  Who knows?

April 2010